Oh, you work from home every day? You’re so lucky!

I hear that a lot. And I think: if this is what luck feels like, excuse me while I break all my mirrors and walk under 13 ladders while cradling my black cat inside an umbrella I opened indoors. (His name is Primo. The cat, not the umbrella. His name is Rodolfo).

Kidding! They’re right. Working from home every day is completely perfect, and not at all soul-crushing. I’m so lucky. So lucky. SOOO LUCKKKKKYYYY. Oh gosh, I just started crying a little from how lucky I am.

Some people think human interaction is healthy and keeps your thoughts from snowballing unhelpfully in your head throughout the day. I couldn’t disagree more. I don’t at all want a break from this internal running monologue, which is all about self-care and giving myself the benefit of the doubt. Plus, it’s not like I’m TOTALLY alone. I get to talk to my cats, ask my cats for advice, and send pictures of my cats sitting in slightly different positions to my husband, ALL DAY. Sometimes he doesn’t acknowledge my texts, but I think this is because he has an Office Job With Humans and is sad that he doesn’t get to commune with non-verbal animals all day. Poor guy!

The most enviable part of working from home might just be the wardrobe. As people are constantly reminding me, I get to wear sweatpants every day. I actually only own one pair of sweatpants and they kind of shrank, but I can make this work. Showering and getting dressed in Outside Clothes = overrated. I don’t want to feel like a Human. I want to feel like someone who gets to work from home every day and whose soul is completely intact and not crushed. Yeah!

Now let’s talk phone meetings. And how much I LOVE them. I—oh no, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. You go. No, you go. Okay, I’ll g—oh sorry, I thought we decided I’d go. You know what, I’m just going to clear my throat for 10 minutes next time I have something to say, so you know it’s coming. Hello? Uh, I think someone accidentally muted the phone. That’s fine. I’ll just turn on NPR and talk to my cats.

At the end of a long day, when your significant other or roommate or neighbor who got confused and walked into the wrong house comes home from their Office Job With Humans, there’s nothing they want more than to plop down on the couch and relax at home all night. And that’s EXACTLY what you want to do, too. The fact that you have not been outside for 2 days and have developed mild asthma from breathing so much conditioned air does not make your home feel like a prison from which you must escape. You definitely will not run out the door screaming the second anyone opens it. Ha ha ha. This has never happened!

Anyway, as my readers can see, working from home every day is the perfect set-up. If any of them think that working from home a few days a week, but also being able to go into an office on the other days, sounds like a better set-up, then I guess they haven’t been listening to me, or my cats, at all. Ha ha ha.

Catworkers