“I was fun, once.”

Please imagine me hoarsely croaking this at you from a shadowy corner, staring at you through the hazy smoke from my own cigarette in an old bar that smells like regret. That’s how I feel sometimes — like a retired fun person — especially when talking to younger people, or to my peers and elders who somehow still manage to hang.

The other day a friend described her Saturday, an all-day social drinking fest that lasted from brunch till well after midnight, and just listening to the story made me want to crawl into bed and sleep it off.

These days, if I’m up till 3 or 4 in the morning, it’s because I couldn’t stop binge watching Dr. Who. In other words: I am pretty boring, friends. And if you don’t know, now you know.

Sure, I do interesting things from time to time. I took a flying trapeze class recently with some friends, and totally nailed the knee-hang-arm-grab move. I bought a Groupon for tandem skydiving — and a year later actually used it. I climbed Huayna Picchu, and ate a cheese sandwich on some craggy rocks at the top.

But, for the most part, my life looks more like this:

And I find myself pretty enamored with that.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever suffered from FOMO. Maybe for a semester or two in college. I suspect I’ve always suffered from FOSABAIAM (Fear of Seeming As Boring As I Actually Am). But there are many perks to cruising in the slow lane, and I’m truly starting to appreciate them now that my work, love and social lives have slowed way down. Here are a few of the simple joys of being boring, as I see them:

1. Tortured geniuses and fun people don’t get enough sleep. But you? You clock your 8-10 hours on the regular (though still somehow manage to be tired all the time, and for that I have no explanation.)

2. Maybe you followed a paycheck instead of your dreams, but you probably have a pretty sweet 401k balance at this point. Plus, following your dreams on the evenings and weekends is still following your dreams — more or less.

3. Your Facebook/Timehop memories are boring as hell, but they’re still good memories. “Do you remember 3 years ago when you put together this lamp from Ikea?” Of course you remember it! That lamp is freaking sweet.

4. You get to spend all the time you once spent being hung over or fighting with people over youthfully angsty things watching Criminal Minds or CBS Sunday Morning.

5. You’re easy to make plans with. Are you free on Friday? (Yes.) How about next Friday? (Yes.) How about 32 Fridays from now? (Yep.)

6. You aren’t constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. You are only sometimes on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

7. You can listen to your friends’ dramatic and exciting stories like it’s Shonda Rhimes’ TGIT, comforted by the knowledge that your life will never be that interesting anytime soon.

8. You don’t even have to justify to yourself — or anyone else — anymore why you don’t go outside on Saturdays.

Really, the perks are endless. As long as you don’t ruin your perfect, boring oblivion by having children. 😉

#Boring

#Blessed