This past weekend, I trekked back to Baltimore for my 10-year reunion at Hopkins. I’ve been back for a couple reunions now, but this one was kind of special. People go the extra mile after a decade, and it was fun to celebrate it with my very closest college friends, as well as old roommates, suitemates, hall mates, classmates and, well, you-get-the-drift mates.

But, when returning to one’s alma mater as an older and crankier old person, one can’t help but remark on all that’s changed. Here are the top 10 comments you’ll hear at your 10-year reunion.

10. They look like babies! How old are they, 12?? In my day, we never looked that young!
9. Oh, NOW the library’s has a little café and patio and access to sunlight? In my day, the library was entirely subterreanean, like we were nerdy coal miners.
8. Why is everyone littering on The Beach? Who is going to clean this up?
7. This band is a little loud. Isn’t this band a little loud?
6. No one is wearing any clothes. Put on some clothes, you’re 12!
5. What is this? Why didn’t they have this when I was here? And that? That totally wasn’t there when I was here. In my day, the bookstore was a large hole dug in the ground, with a few books at the bottom.
4. There better be an open bar.
3. That’s where my room was! I’ll just peer into the window creepily for a second…
2. I peed there.
1. No more reunions for me… till the next one.

Go Hop!