Dear Reader: It’s been a minute. When last I left you, I was days from my due date, and ready to meet the future love of my life. Spoiler alert: I met him. He’s great. I’ve been meaning to write sooner. First I started a “fourth trimester” blog. To summarize that unfinished, messy 2,663-word treatise, […]
Holy crap: I made it through another trimester! Two-thirds done. On one hand, I can’t believe it. On the other, I feel like I’ve been pregnant for three dog years, and I’m ready for this baby to live externally. I thought a lot about what catchy name I’d give to the second trimester. For me […]
I’m so excited to share this blog (and this news, perhaps) with you guys! I’ve been taking notes for this post on and off since early October, when the little bundle of multiplying cells in my uterus started KICKING MY BUTT. As some of you may know, I am Host to a small future baby, […]
I’m in what I’ll call a fallow period. Imagine I’m farmland. In, uh, Iowa. Soybeans maybe? Yeah, soybeans. OK cool, so I’m farmland, and the harvesters just took all my juicy crops away, and now I just have to … sit here. And wait. Until when? Well, until I’ve recharged enough to do it all […]
Only if you need them, of course. You’re 35 and have arrived! You’re 35 and sort of know how to drive! You’re 35 and still alive! 34? You’re ONE BETTER than that! 26? You’re way more confident and settled now! 21? No, yeah, that was probably the best year. Age ain’t nothin but a number! […]
Hey, I’m not sure if you noticed, but… The holidays are over. Over like my eggs at an overpriced Sunday brunch. Over like me and New Year’s Eve parties. Over like the blood-alcohol limit of the insane driver who ran off the road in front of us two days before Christmas, then abandoned his truck […]
I know, I know: the blog’s been a bit quiet. Blame it on marriage, an amazing new show I’m working on called In Cabaret We Trust, packing for a big move to Denver (see: marriage), and my semi-annual malaise. Every move sucks in its own special way, like a crappy snowflake, but this one has […]
I just had “the talk” with my bank account. It … wasn’t pretty. If you thought I was not that fun in 2016, hold onto your asses: I’m going to be a real dud in 2017. It’s budget crunch time! Outside, meanwhile, the weather turned cold and blustery so quickly that I found myself spontaneously holding […]
What’s up, guys? Anything interesting and of great personal and global significance happen this week? Yeah. Yeeeah. First, let me say that I’m struggling so hard against the temptation to preface this post. To in some way downplay my opinions and my right to them in an effort to avoid later blame or criticism, most of which I’ll […]
Hi everyone, I’ve been watching Bones every day for two months and eating jars of almond butter, plural. Have you also been achieving your fitness goals? If not, don’t worry — have I got some tricks for you. Water: Drink a lot of it. That way, you’ll have to get up to use the bathroom frequently, […]