Dear Reader: It’s been a minute. When last I left you, I was days from my due date, and ready to meet the future love of my life. Spoiler alert: I met him. He’s great. I’ve been meaning to write sooner. First I started a “fourth trimester” blog. To summarize that unfinished, messy 2,663-word treatise, […]
If you told me nine months ago that eventually I’d be here, a few days from my due date, relatively calm and ready to welcome Jess Jr. into the world … well, I’d believe you. That’s how time works. Except for a few times during Hellmester, I didn’t actually believe this baby would kill me. […]
Holy crap: I made it through another trimester! Two-thirds done. On one hand, I can’t believe it. On the other, I feel like I’ve been pregnant for three dog years, and I’m ready for this baby to live externally. I thought a lot about what catchy name I’d give to the second trimester. For me […]
Hey, I’m not sure if you noticed, but… The holidays are over. Over like my eggs at an overpriced Sunday brunch. Over like me and New Year’s Eve parties. Over like the blood-alcohol limit of the insane driver who ran off the road in front of us two days before Christmas, then abandoned his truck […]
Moms. I see you out there, watching your child get a little less small every day, excited for them but also nostalgic for those moments and milestones that pass so quickly. Maybe the tiniest bit heartbroken, knowing your baby is a little less a baby every day. Perhaps you think “slow down” or “let me […]
❤Accept them for who they are, flaws and all. Hire someone to compensate for their flaws. ❤Turn their grating behaviors into silent drinking games that only you play. ❤Employ tennis’ Hawk-Eye line-calling technology to settle all disputes over who is taking up more than their side of the bed. ❤Don’t compare them to other people’s […]
I got engaged this month! It’s very exciting and I’m very excited. Full disclosure, though: I’ve been lowkey planning my wedding for a cool four months now. I bought the dress and booked the venue all before holmes dropped to one knee on a bridge on the romantic Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina. There […]
This week one of my sisters had a birthday of some numerical value. No, I’m not sure how old she is. Yes, I could easily just add five years to my own age. No, I’m not sure how old I am either. Listen, I’m the baby of the family. I’m not here to keep an […]
When I was home in Pennsylvania this past Thanksgiving, I was thinking — not for the first time — how different holidays are these days now that we have a few small children in the house. Not my children, of course. I’m still a childless waste of good genes over here (KIDDING, kids are cute but scary). […]